We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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