I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
