Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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