Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
