It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
