if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize