so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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