a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize