nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
