By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
