I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
