why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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