you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
