I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
