So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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