Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
