she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
