i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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