maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
