You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
