I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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