A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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