I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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