turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
