I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize