so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
