We got so high we made milksteak
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize