Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
