Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
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