That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
