My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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