I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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