and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
