I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
