my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize