i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
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