is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
