I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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