you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
