glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
