Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
