I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
