They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
