it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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