Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
