You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
