i just sent this text using only my big toe
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
