And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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