she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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