Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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