sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
