It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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