I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
