It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
