Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
