Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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