When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
