Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the condom got lost in my hair
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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