the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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