I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
