you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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