btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
