I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
