How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
