Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
