You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
