This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
