He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
