smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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