like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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