Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
