i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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