you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
