On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize