Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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