Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
