worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
A bitchslap is in order.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
