he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
