I got chris browned last night
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
