My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i think i just lost a toe
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
