woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize