I heard we made out
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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