I hope mine doesn't look like that
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
