Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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