my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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