my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize