Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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