Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
