between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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