somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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