you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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