How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
