Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
