Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize