If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
