WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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