I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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