My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
