I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize