Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
