if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
