No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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