next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
