apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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