OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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