omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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