Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
