Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
