this boner is exhausting
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
