a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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