Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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